(Available for weddings, office parties, Mummers parades, and interdimensional summits.)
Party Trays
- Liberty Bell Platter — $177.60
20 mini cheesesteaks shaped like cracked bells. Comes with a side of echoing freedom. - Rowhouse Sampler — $145.00
A long tray divided into thin, uneven cheesesteaks that share fillings through poorly insulated bread walls. - Gritty’s Chaos Spread — $120.00
A pile of cheesesteaks hurled at your guests by a fur-covered mascot. Not responsible for emotional damage.
Corporate Packages
- The SEPTA Commuter Deal — $200.00
30 cheesesteaks arrive whenever they feel like it. May reroute to a different office. - The Imaginary Mayors Endorsement Lunch — $250.00
Endorsed by 3 out of 4 imaginary mayors. Includes a podium, a microphone, and one disappointed politician. - The Tastykake Mediation Package — $175.00
Cheesesteaks paired with Tastykakes to settle workplace disputes. No guarantees of peace.
Weddings & Celebrations
- The Destiny Banquet — $495.00
50 cheesesteaks, elegantly stacked into the shape of a wallet. Destiny still forgets to pay. - The Eraserhood Midnight Buffet — $275.00
Cheesesteaks served in unsettling lighting with inexplicable sound effects. Guests may leave changed. - The Mummers Parade Special — $300.00
Cheesesteaks delivered by people in sequined costumes playing banjos. May block Broad Street for several hours.
Add-Ons
- Onion Prophecy Station — $50.00
A fryer where onions predict your guests’ futures in grease patterns. - Pigeon Waitstaff — $75.00
Actual pigeons in bowties deliver napkins and stare judgmentally. - Rowhouse Ghost Appearance — $100.00
A guaranteed haunting at your event. Very popular in Old City.
Fine Print
All catering packages are fictional. No food will arrive. Refunds are issued exclusively in the form of Wawa gift cards.