(Because sometimes destiny needs customer service.)
Our Address
Philly Bob’s Steaks (Headquarters, probably)
1234 Imaginary Mayor Boulevard
Philadelphia, PA 19123
(Directly across from the pigeon council chambers, just past the SEPTA stop that never comes.)
Phone Numbers
- Main Line: (215) 555-STEAK
- Catering Hotline: (215) 555-HOAGIE
- Emergency Onion Prophecy Support: (215) 555-CRY4U
- Franchise Inquiries: Please shout “BOB!” loudly into the Schuylkill River at dusk. Response times may vary.
✉ inquiries@philly-bobs.com
✉ destinyforgot@philly-bobs.com
✉ pigeons@philly-bobs.com (auto-replies only; mostly cooing)
Office Hours
- Monday–Friday: 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM (unless the door locks behind us)
- Saturday: Closed for Mummers rehearsal
- Sunday: Open only if Gritty wills it
Customer Service Options
- Press 1 to order a cheesesteak (you will be redirected to disappointment).
- Press 2 for catering (pigeons will arrive with paperwork).
- Press 3 to speak directly with a rowhouse ghost.
- Press 4 to file a complaint (ignored by 3 of 4 imaginary mayors).
- Press 5 for destiny.
Map & Directions
We’d give you a map, but Philly Bob’s cannot be found with GPS. You don’t choose to arrive here — you just notice one day the door has locked behind you.